Stressful Week

7/15-22... Roller coaster week!

Monday was another lazy PDAY. The elders from the zone went to Seoul to play basketball and most of the sisters went shopping. 윤 자매님 and I had no interest in either. Instead we cleaned the apartment, wrote letters, emailed, and ate delicious food. It was nice just having a chance to talk and get to know each other a little more. She really is such a genuine person, so innocent and an angel in everyone's eyes. People remind me ALL THE TIME how great she is. I wonder if they forget that we are literally together 24/7 so... I'm very aware haha. Anyway, it was a fun day together.

Our PDAY ended a little early due to an appointment we had previously scheduled. This was with a mother and her two daughters, 구지은S (6th grade) and 구도현S (4th grade). We taught them a few weeks ago, but the past two weeks they cancelled last minute; needless to say we were eager to see them again. The girls are so adorable and so smart! You can tell there is a sibling rivalry between them but that doesn't stop them from helping each other - it is so sweet to see. Today we decided to play a game for the English portion of our lesson. I chose a page from their books that we were using and told them to choose 10 vocabulary words. Next, 윤 자매님 and I prepared some cards that were labeled with one of the three topics: who, what, when. After randomly choosing one card from each category, they had to choose a vocabulary word and tell us a story. Typically we just free talk with other, but with kids it is like pulling teeth so we thought this would be fun- and it was! Even the mother participated, it was great. Once our 30 minutes were up we transitioned to our gospel message. After the prayer we began teaching the Restoration (1st lesson). In case you forgot, I don't know Korean, so I stumbled through the sections I prepared to talk about. After every sentence I completed, the youngest daughter would clap and flash me a reassuring smile. It was cute, but I feel so lame!! I just want to be able to teach, because I know the things I am teaching are true. I feel like as I stumble through it, it sounds like it’s the first time I'm relaying the message - so frustrating! But we did it and committed them to reading the Book of Mormon (we gave the kids the Books of Mormon story to read). Hopefully, they do! They are the cutest family and would fit right in with the awesome ward we have.

Tuesday was a really hard day. A lot of things went really well, but it was the little things that brought me down. Our only lesson for the day was with the mother and son; 김동은B and 최윤정S. They are seriously the best. All of our investigators are progressing and doing so great and these two especially - they are two of my favorites we teach. Like I've said before, the son is an angel and just absorbs information. I have no doubt that they will be baptized one day. The English portion was a lot of fun. 김동은B is practicing his pronunciation (because he thinks that awful plane crash in San Francisco was due to Koreans struggle with R and L pronunciation ha) so we are now reading 'Sherlock Holmes' out loud, together. Like I said, it was a lot of fun! Next was our gospel message. We began teaching the 4th lesson about commandments. When it came my turn to talk, I totally choked! I am trying a new way of building sentences in my mind, BUT today all it did was mess me up. I was 5 seconds away from tears before the mother gave me some encouragement and told me she was understanding. That was nice of her, but GOSH, I was so upset with myself. 윤 자매님 finished up while I sat there in embarrassment. When we left, I had a full-on break down. Of course I tried to hide it by staring at the ground, but I'm sure each person we passed on the street saw the alligator tears running down my cheeks as we walked by. I stayed a few paces behind my companion as I followed her to a members house. 남궁회종S had asked us to stop by and pick up food she wanted to give us. She is so thoughtful! When we arrived, my attempted to hide my blotchy face and red eyes failed. She insisted on making us a big bowl of 팥빙수. Of course it was delicious and I was very grateful. When we left, I couldn't help but cry again... It's embarrassing, but I was feeling so helpless and like such a failure. I know the language will come and I know I have to be patient, but it was seeming impossible. All I want to do is teach what I know and share my thoughts; I'll even settle for having a basic conversation- but I'm not there yet. All in all, I felt pretty defeated. To end this lovely evening, we met the elders at the church to share the food we had just received. We ended up cooking some ramen noodles and eating dinner together. It was funnish. They are pretty funny so it was nice to laugh after feeling so low.

Wednesday, I woke up still a little sad and discouraged. After our regular studies, we left for district meeting and on our way out, I received a letter from my father. He knows how hard of a time I am having with learning the language and this letter offered the advice and comfort I needed. Before district meeting, we are given 30 minutes to spiritually prepare- most people socialized or read their scriptures. I read my fathers letter over and over. Each time I read, I cried. I feel so blessed to have a father that puts so much time and effort into helping and supporting me. He reassured me that I am not here to learn Korean, rather I am here to share the gospel. Whether I do that through my smile, my broken Korean, or by serving- it doesn't matter. I could go on, but in short I'll say, my dad is the best! He and I think a lot alike so when it comes to advice, his is always exactly what I need. Thanks papa ^^

When our prep time was over, the meeting began. Since transfers happened, we have a new district leader, 김재겸 장로님 (you can call him Elder Kim). He is from the same hometown and ward as my companion, 윤 자매님. He is such a funny guy and a great missionary! I am happy he is here serving in the same ward as me. For training, he wanted to focus on our investigators. He asked every companionship to come up and talk about one investigator. This is the time when we can ask advice and get ideas of how to teach from the other missionaries. Along with that, we were asked to share a miracle that we saw this week. It was a good training- I learned a lot about how to approach different situations. When the meeting ended, the 신갈 missionaries left and the 곡반정 missionaries stayed. Since we had a few new missionaries, we needed to have meetings to fill them in on the structure for English class. I took charge and it was over quickly but THEN we needed to have another meeting together... Our ward had an activity planned for Saturday where the youth were performing songs and stuff. Us missionaries decided to do a skit. We decided on acting out the story about King Noah and Abinadi, found in Mosiah chapters 11-19 of the Book of Mormon. It took FOREVER but we wrote a script. But guess what? When we finished, it was time for dinner. We walked down the street and ate some delicious pork soup stuff then headed back to the chapel for English class. Goodbye Wednesday! I didn't like that we basically spent the whole day in the chapel, but it was mostly productive so oh well...

For English class I taught my regular class- we read half of the 8th chapter from 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'. It went really well. Directly after, us missionaries left in an attempt to get home on time. Did that happen? No! 윤 자매님 and I just hopped on the closest bus, not taking too much time to check if it went directly to our destination. FAIL! Apparently, our destination would eventually be reached but in a very round about way... When we realized that, we were already an couple extra blocks away from our house. Oh well... We just decided to get off and walk. We walked fast and were barely late. It was annoying that we had to walk so far but 윤 자매님 and I laughed the whole way home. It ended up being a fun night.

Before we went to bed, we got a weird text from the AP's saying... "How big is your apartment? How many people can live there?" Uhh.. It is a decent size, but I don't think there is much room for another companionship to move in! Scared. I quickly forgot about the text and went straight to bed.

Thursday was CRAZY! During planning the night before, we realized that we had a very busy day ahead of us. Last week we found out that today was our zones scheduled day to attend the Seoul temple together. We were sad, but we chose to reschedule the awesome opportunity. Even though I was bummed, I felt so strongly that we shouldn't reschedule our appointment. Turns out, there was a reason for that... we saw so many miracles!!

Our day began when we met 정준녀S (the bishops wife), 남기환B, and 남해리S (brother and sister) for lunch. We went to a raw fish Korean restaurant that 정 자매님 said came highly recommended. It was pretty fancy so I trusted the food even though it was raw and most things had eyeballs haha. It was a new experience and I was happy to have four natives there to guide me haha. When lunch ended we had to meet our atheist investigator, 서은영S. The bishops wife came with us. Like always, we went to a cafe and ordered delicious drinks. After we socialized to practice English free talking, we moved onto our gospel message. Today it was about God's love and recognizing His love through the spirit. Since we have invited her to read and pray daily, we wanted to help her understand the feelings she may have, so she can better learn and find answers that she is seeking. I shared all of the ways I felt the spirit and the bishops wife shared her powerful conversion story. It was a great appointment and I'm glad we didn't miss it. We left her with the challenge of daily effort. Even though we have invited her to read and pray daily- we wanted to emphasize that that was the only way she can come to know an answer.

After the appointment, our cell phone rang... If you aren't already sitting, take a seat. President Morrise was on the phone. The temple session had just ended and he was calling to tell us, 윤 자매님 and I would no longer be the only two sisters serving in 곡반정 ward. In addition to us, he had sent his wife to bring 김천 자매님 to create a tri-panionship. A THREE-SOME! We were going to become a threesome!! When the information was relayed to me, I may have echoed the news in a louder-more shocked voice haha. Not only that, but we were only given an hour notice before we were asked to greet her at a bus station... Totally shocked! If you would prefer to stand up now, feel free- the big news is over haha. Also for future reference, I am not a fan of referring to three missionaries serving together a threesome or tripanionship. I think it sounds retarded and weird so I will just refer to it as a companionship, mmkay?

윤 자매님 and I hopped on a bus to meet up with Sister Kim and Morrise. Since President Morrise was planning to visit elders in our zone, Sister Morrise decide to join our newly formed companionship for the day. I was thrilled to have the unique opportunity to serve with her! When we finally met, we only had a short walk across a crosswalk to introduce ourselves. After stating my name, I quickly transitioned to talking about the investigator we were scheduled to meet in exactly 3 minutes. It was stressful! So many things were happening all at once!

We walked into the appointment just in time to meet 김선혜S in the youth center where we always meet. We gave her a little notice (basically as much as we had) of the extra missionaries that would be coming. Surprisingly, she was so excited! She walked in with a huge smile on her face saying, "ahh so many people!" The new greenie and Sister Morrise introduced themselves and 김선혜S was so happy to meet and get to know them. Once we got started, the English portion of the lesson was fun but the gospel portion was wayy better! Sit back down- this was a miracle lesson!

We began teaching the 4th lesson about commandments. I started by talking about the principle of obedience. Next I asked the greenie, 김 자매님 to talk about the commandment of prayer. She did an awesome job! As she taught, she bore testimony and shared experiences and asked everyone else to do the same. The spirit was unbelievably strong! I went on to share about the awful day I had just had. I told her that that night I pleaded to my Father in Heaven on my knees, asking for help and comfort. I explained the immediate feeling I felt, was similar to the feeling of a hug- as if my Father in Heaven wrapped His arms around me, telling me everything was going to be okay. 김선혜S began to cry. She told us that she envies other cultures because they hug others so freely and Korean culture doesn't hug (It is so rare and when I do give or receive hugs, it's as if I'm hugging a dead fish... very awkward). Through her tears she told me that she wanted to experience that feeling. Sister Morrise immediately stood up and gave her a big hug. It was so sweet to see. 김선혜S went on to tell us that the relationship she has with her parents, wasn't good. She always wanted to be openly loving with them but never felt like it was okay. As she said that she looked at Sister Morrise and said, "Can I call you mom?" It was heartbreaking and so sweet at the same time. I promised her that if she sincerely prays, she will able to feel that same spirit and love that I felt from my Heavenly Father. The lesson came to a close when it was time for 김선혜S to leave and pick up her son. Naturally we all gave her a hug goodbye and challenged her to pray. She accepted and was very grateful for the love we showed her. Such an awesome lesson!!

I know for a fact that I did not relay that story as well as it actually happened, so I'm sorry. Just talk my word for it that it was powerful. Next, on our agenda was a dinner appointment with 형 자매님, a part member (her husband is a non-member) and less active family (the wife and two kids). When we gave her a heads up on the two extra missionaries that would be coming and she asked us to delay our arrival. To fill our time, we decided to 전도 (proselyte). We rock, paper, scissored to see who would pair off. Turns out- 윤 자매님 and I cannot be separated haha. It was a successful hour! Collectively we shared short messages with over 50 people. The hour flew by!

When we finally started making our way to the 식사 (meal/appointment), I had the opportunity to talk with Sister Morrise one-on-one. I really feel like I can be myself around her. I was talking and joking freely as if we had known each other for a long time. She is so knowledgeable too so I feel like I was able to learn so much just in our short walk. I love her!!

The appointment was great! We helped prepare the food (including making homemade noodles!) and got to know the family. After we ate, we had previously asked the mother to read a talk from the Liahona (a church magazine) and to share a short lesson. As she did, she focused mostly on baring her testimony to her children. She admitted her shortcomings but told them she was going to try harder to be better for them. It was a very sweet lesson. Before we transition to playing the game we prepared, Sister Morrise took the opportunity to share a brief testimony about the blessing of families and she told the children that they were very lucky to have such a wonderful mother. 형 자매니 was very appreciative of the compliment as she blushes and mostly disagreed. To end the visit, we played a fun game that was similar to cranium. It was great!

We had to quickly make our way home but naturally had to stop by Baskin Robins because today was so eventful and it needed to be celebrated. We got a big pint-size bowl and chose five flavors to fill it. Once home, we planned quickly to give us an opportunity to eat our ice cream before President Morrise came to pick his wife up. Sadly he arrived faster than expected- but don't worry we invited him to come in and join us. I just want you to imagine the threesome of young sister missionaries, the mission president and his wife sitting on the floor around a tiny Korean table, eating ice cream at 10PM. That does not happen. President Morrise told us all about his day as we finished off the delicious ice cream. It was so great! I feel so blessed to have had that opportunity to be more personable with these two amazing leaders! Miracle day!!

Friday I woke up after having a weird dream. Since this whole week has been like a roller coaster, my head has been spinning with ideas of wanting to come home and give up. Of course I would never do that but the thoughts were still there. Anyway, so the dream was a stressful one. I had arrived in Salt Lake City airport and I was on the escalator to be reunited with my family (now that my mission was over). It was a happy reunion until I was told I had to go straight to the Stake Presidents office to be released as a missionary. At that moment I was so upset. I hadn't felt like I had been an effective missionary yet! The rest of the dream was we running away from being released. That may sounds super funny to imagine but I for sure was so stressed when I finally woke up. I'm pretty sure that was God reassuring me that I am meant to be here and that I will become an effective teacher one way or another. It may sound silly but that was the extra push I needed to realize that I am capable of fulfilling my calling as a missionary. It was a great start to my day. For morning exercise we decided to run. Since I have the best sense of direction, I led. Before I knew it I was in my own world just thinking and enjoying the scenery around me. I came to a stop light and when I turned around to find my companions, there were like little dying ants wayy behind me. Whoops! Since missionaries are supposed to stay within sight and sound, the rest of our run was me trying to jog and them trying to keep up or catch up haha. It was fun nevertheless.

Once we got ready and completed our studies, we left for an appointment with our catholic investigator, 김정원S. The appointment started a little late due to introducing the new missionary in our companionship. English was fun, the Artie we discussed was about marriage requiring work and it not being like a fairy tale. 김전원S is recently divorced so she unloaded advise about men on us haha. It was funny. When we transitioned to talking about the gospel, we totally went off topic from our previous lesson plan. That's always okay to do, but I felt petty lost. However, for some radon amongst all of the Korean I didn't understand, I felt like I should say something. When I began talking, I first apologized if what I was about to say was off topic. But I had though I understood that 김정원S's mother thought that individuals each have a light about them that portrays a God-like feeling. So I said that I believe that God is our central light and we, as His children, are like little mirrors that simply reflect that light as we strive to become like His. Apparently my though fit right in so I was pleased to find that out after the fact. Anyways, the lesson went well. Like always, she had a lot of questions about what she is reading about in the Book of Mormon so time was limited. Soon it was time to go. As we locked up the chapel we realized that we were going to be late for our next appointment. We quickly hiked up our skits and took off running towards the nearest bus station. Very ladylike- I know.

Once in the bus, we had about 35 minutes until we would arrive at our destination. 윤 자매님 was busy doing call backs to set up appointments for the coming week so that left me and 김 자매님 on our own so we decided to 전도. We started up a few pretty awesome conversations and gave out a few flyers. Once the bus got pretty full 김 자매님 turned to me and said, I feel like I should talk to the whole back of the bus. I was shocked to say the least. To me 전도 is awkward and weird. The idea of approaching and continue to talk to people that do not want to talk to you is so uncomfortable. I normally ask if I can introduce myself so that it is not a forced conversation. But as I have served with other missionaries, I have learned that everyone has their own style. As 김 자매님 looked at the crowd she asked me to stand next to her and just smile. That was easy enough, so I did. It was awkward for me but to my surprise, a number of people were listening and even asking questions! We handed out three Book of Mormon and 15 pamphlets! You know in the scriptures where so many prophets and disciples make their testimony known to the world? That is exactly what 김 자매님 did on that bus. She was scared and even began crying but I could feel the power as she testified to those people on the bus. It was an awesome experience. Our stop came faster than expected so we thanks the crowd for listening and got off the bus. 

We quickly walked to meet up with our next 약속 (promise/appointment). Our appointment was at the church with a less active single adult. We are working on creating a new English flyer and she is helping us. Her and 윤 자매님 drafted a first copy then decided it was time for dinner. We invited this member to join us and she did! We ate delicious food and were really about to get to know her. She is very shy but she opened up and talked to us- it was fun. When the time came to leave, I shared a short spiritual thought about sincere prayer. I using the scripture 1 Nephi 11:15, "...ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you." Before sharing my short message, I wasn't totally sure what her needs were but while I spoke, it seemed to touch her. I hope the spirit touched her in the way she needed.

After, we went home to do our language study... Or should I say mine. I'm grateful to have two companions that are so good at English but boy do I feel like an idiot learning from them. I have a real issue with humility so I hope I get a handle on the language soon because I'm not sure how much more patience I have in me haha. Contradictory right?

Saturday was a fun day. We met our Atheist investigator, 서은영S and her son to play badminton. Turns out, I'm the worst badminton player in the whole world! It was fun but also embarrassing haha. After an hour of playing we stopped by a popular burger place for foreigners. It was so delicious! I like Korean food but boy did it make me miss American food! We had to head to our next appointment so we said our goodbyes and were off.

We quickly went to meet the son, 김동은B and his mother, 최윤정S again. Today we continued to talk about commandments with them. The one concern the mother had was that she had not yet received a strong confirmation that this was the one true church. I felt promoted to tell her about my fathers experience. I told her that when my father was introduced to the church, he did not receive a strong confirmation like she was expecting either. Instead he just felt that it was a good thing and that is was okay for him to move forward. As she nodded her head in agreement, I shared a scripture found in Moroni 7:11-13 which talks about good things being of God and evil things being of the Devil. I promised her that God would not lead her astray. She was very appreciative and also very curious to know what happened to my father. I went on to tell her that he got baptized and as he diligently worked to keep the commandments, he received the strong confirmation that he was where he needed to be. I told her that he later served a mission, like I am doing but in New Zealand and he is now raising his family in the same faith that he found happiness and peace. Our time was up so we concluded our appointment with a prayer. 최 자매님 volunteered. As she prayed she thank Heavenly Father for the courage and example of my father. She prayed to have that same strength and courage in order to move forward in her life. I was very touched and grateful that my fathers experience touched her so much. 

We had to hurry and get to the chapel to start preparing for the ward activity. We helped prepare the food, set up, and rehearsed the missionary skit. For the skit we decided to act out the story of King Noah and Abinadi found in Mosiah chapters 11-19 of the Book of Mormon. I was assigned to play King Noah. It was fun because King Noah was an evil king so all I did was demand food and command my 'priests' to kill people. One of those people was Abinadi played by Elder Sorensen. It was a pretty hilarious skit. I'll have to scan and send the script next week. The ward members really enjoyed it! Afterwards they kept coming up to me and imitating my line, "죽이라!" (Chooky rah) which means, "kill him!" I was so relieved they laughed and were so entertained because I stumbled through my other lines haha.

When all of the performances were over, the relief society served dinner. This ward is so unified and I love it! So much thought goes into each activity to plan for quality time spent together. I will be sad to leave this ward in the future. But for now, I'm soaking it all in. I love 곡반정!

Sunday was a pretty standard day. Everyday feels like a Sunday on a mission, the only difference being our church services. Sacrament was great. I sat by my Korean mother, 이정숙S, she is wonderful. We belt the Korean hymns together and always mess up the tune but don't care haha- she is awesome. Since it is standard for new missionaries to speak their first Sunday in a ward, 김 자매님 introduced herself. She was born in Busan, Korea but moved to Canada when she was 9. She graduated from the nursing program at BYU-Idaho and is 24 years old. This is her first area as a missionary and she is ALWAYS smiling. She will do great things in Korea. 

After church, we stopped by 안 자매님's house. She is so adorable! So far she is the shortest Korean I have met and she is so giving. When 윤 자매님 and I first arrived in this area she gave us so much food! But along with the food came a deal- she told us that when we finish the food and are ready to return the tupperware, that is the time we need to give her our request so that she can refill them with more delicious food. We rarely request anything because we are grateful for anything but still, she gives and gives and gives. I love her!

Once we finally arrived back at home we began our weekly planning session (since we missed it on Friday). Things went well for the most part. Typically 윤 자매님 can go through the list of things to do pretty fast but this time we had another opinion to consider and accommodate. I'll just start my saying, I am not the biggest fan of three missionaries serving together. I started getting defensive when the lesson schedule for our investigators was being disrupted. I felt strongly that things were where they needed to be but 김 자매님 had a few opposing opinions. I am still feeling very defensive and need to be better at being more open and welcoming to her- but I love these people! She wants to extend more commitments and I don't want to add to the pressure they already feel. I tried to explain that they are all progressing so the pace we have set is working, but she is pretty gung-ho since she is fresh out of the MTC. I know everything will work out but for the mean time I'm feeling some stress about the upcoming week.

All in all, this week was a roller coaster. My emotions were pretty unstable which is not like me. I hope this week I can keep things under control but we will see haha. Thank you to all those who write, love, and support me! I need you all!! 사랑해요!  

All of the sidewalks here are hand laid bricks. After it is laid, sand is then throwing on top for people walk to on, which packs the bricks into place creating the strongest sidewalks!

The best way to spend PDAY... Relaxing in a massage chair at Emart!

 감자탕 (pig bone soup)... Mmm so appetizing, right?

Our bishops wife treated us to a raw fish Korean restaurant. I have no idea what I ate but it was tasty

 Last course before we ate it.

 After we ate it.

Kimchee rice soup! The ingredients starting from the top fish eggs (orange) , cucumbers, yellow peppers, kimchee, kim (like a cousin of seaweed), vegetables, and rice. So yummy!